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STEVE GILLILAND — Discover Your Goat! (part 6 of Steve”s Discover Your Goat series)

May 6, 2013 in balanced living speaker, business speaker, Humorist Speakers, Motivational Speakers, School Board Speaker, Speaker for Education Groups, speaker on change, Speakers for Business Groups, Speakers for Human Relations and Communication

Most of us seem to live our entire lives without truly understanding ourselves. We talk too

much, give advice too quickly, get too angry or fail to keep our promises. If we are honest

with ourselves, we would admit that sometimes we feel smug over a friend”s plight or that

we value looks and money over integrity and kindness. We rarely allow ourselves to go

much beyond these realizations.

 

Understanding yourself is one of the most important tasks in hiding your goat. A lot of

pop psychology says to accentuate the positive and push the negative aside.

Unfortunately, without recognizing potential negatives, you can”t cast them off. So, as you

prepare to hide your goat, it may be helpful to discover your goat by answering the

following questions.

 

Are you a faultfinder?

 

Critical people can”t resist pointing out a problem. Nothing is ever good enough.

Faultfinders expect perfectionism in themselves and others. Finding fault or criticizing

exposes your goat and almost always derails relationships and drives people away.

Criticism does not persuade people to change, even if your criticism is valid. Worse,

others will not trust you because they know that, sooner or later, they, too, will fall prey

to your criticism. People will put their guard up. Spontaneity will disappear as they

carefully choose their words and watch their actions around you. Over time, they won”t

even want to be with you. Many roads lead to negativity. Sometimes a person is born into

a family in which one or both parents are critical. As a result, the child grows up learning

to look at the world through a negative lens. People can become faultfinders if they live or

work with negative people. If someone around you is pointing out mistakes, flaws and

injustices, it”s easy to start focusing on mistakes, flaws and injustices yourself. If you

think you”re too critical a person, change.

 

Are you a jealous person?

 

Do you constantly compare, evaluate and feel badly when someone else wins. Jealousy is

a flaw we often have difficulty acknowledging in ourselves. Not acknowledging someone

else”s achievements is one way jealousy rears its ugly head. I still remember the day a

committee member informed me that I had been elected to the Speaker Hall of Fame.

When I told a fellow speaker, whom I had known for over fourteen years, about the

induction, he said, “I”ve been nominated several times and never got elected. Sounds like

you had the right committee voting.” Just as you do when herding your goats, you must

look inside yourself for the reason you are jealous. The answer is there. Sometimes

jealousy arises from insecurity. Eighteenth century scholar and mystic Moshe Luzzatto

had great insight on jealousy when he wrote, “The one who envies gains nothing for

himself and deprives the one he envies of nothing. There are those who are so foolish that

if they perceive their neighbor to possess a certain good, they brood, worry and suffer to

the point that their neighbor”s good prevents them from enjoying their own.”

 

Do you have to be the center of attention?

 

People who talk too much are attention-competitive. What they are saying is, “Pay

attention to me!” Interrupting is another competitive behavior. Some people compete by

starting a side conversation. They”re proclaiming, “What I have to say is more important

than what others have to say.” People who seek to be the center of attention are terrible

listeners, too. When someone else is talking, their minds wander and they rarely ask

questions or contribute a comment.

 

Are you controlling?

If you don”t recognize your own controlling behavior, hiding your goat will be impossible,

leaving it exposed and vulnerable. So how controlling are you?

 

Do you talk too much?

Do you frequently offer unsolicited advice?

Do you have trouble apologizing?

Do you pout and refuse to talk when you get angry?

When you want something done, does it have to be done now?

Are you habitually late?

Are you often accused of not listening?

Do you often finish other people”s stories?

Do you usually have the last word in an argument?

 

If you desire good relationships with your fellow workers, your spouse, your children and your friends, discover — and then eliminate — your controlling behaviors.

 

Do you get too angry?

 

You may not like to admit it, but you know if you have an anger problem. What you may not understand is what drives that anger, its consequences or what you can do to change. How you interpret events in your life could be negative by default, thereby generating your own anger. The people you surround yourself with can play a significant role in how you interpret certain events as well. Negative people often gravitate toward each other, further fueling the situation. Things not going the way you expect can also ignite your anger by making you feel off balance, threatened, challenged and not in control. Maybe the worst byproduct of getting too angry is that you name-call, exaggerate and become sanctimonious.

I once read, “A life not examined is like an unopened letter.” Just as it”s impossible to reach your

destination when you don”t know where you are, youcan”t become who you want to be until you”re sure who you are. I challenge each of you to take an introspective journey. Then change the parts of yourself you don”t like and accentuate those you do. Having a clear self-image is essential in relationships,

confidence and growth — and the only way you can hide your goat is to discover it first.

STEVE GILLILAND 
Author, Motivator and humorist

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Steve Gilliland – Hide Your Goat Part 5 – Feeding Your Goat the Right Stuff

April 29, 2013 in Authors, balanced living speaker, Humorist Speakers, Motivational Speakers, School Board Speaker, Speaker for Education Groups, speaker on change, Teamwork Speakers

 

The next time you stop into Starbucks for a caffeine breakfast, you may want to consider

that the contents of a steaming mug won”t hold you over till lunch break — and even if

you think it will, it isn”t helping your body acquire the energy it needs or burn the calories

it should! We”ve all heard that breakfast is considered the most important meal of the

day, and for good reason. Food is fuel and energy for our bodies. Without it, we spend the

day stumbling around in a fog and fighting off headaches and bad attitudes. Breakfast is

literally just that, breaking the fast that your body is in from the night before. The

consumption of breakfast increases the metabolic rate and kick-starts your body, telling it

what to expect the rest of the day. Without food, your body won”t process your next meal

as quickly and will hoard those nutrients. Those who skip breakfast have a tendency to

consume more food than usual and have a higher tendency to snack on high-calorie

foods, which can lead to a number of weight control problems.

 

We”re aware of the negative consequences of feeding our bodies unhealthy foods, but how

many of us pay attention to the effects of what we”re feeding our minds. “Garbage in,

garbage out” is a direct reference to what we feed our minds — and what we get in

return. We can either feed it mental protein or mental candy. When we deprive our minds of

useful and beneficial foods, we leave ourselves defenseless to people who hunt our goats. We

must have an appetite for the thoughts, language and beliefs that will allow us to live and experience the lives we desire. It”s imperative that we reprogram our minds with positive

input. The most significant decision we can make every day is our choice of attitude,

which becomes either our best friend or our worst enemy. What we feed our goats

(minds) determines our attitude toward ourselves, toward other people and toward how

we live.

 

Wake up and Relax (Your Mind)

 

The definition of oxymoron is a phrase in which two words of contradictory meaning are

used together for special effect — e.g., “wake up and relax.” Syndicated columnist Sydney

Harris once said, “The time to relax is when you don”t have time for it.” When you start

your day by hitting the snooze button ten times and then rushing to get ready for work,

you miss feeding your goat and deprive yourself of the energy essential to having a

balanced day. Mornings can offer a quieter, more contemplative atmosphere. Take

advantage of that by following poet William Blake”s advice: “Think in the morning and act

in the afternoon.” Even if your job”s more about cranking out than managing and

contemplating, use the mornings where you”re not on a tight deadline to think over

problems, consider future challenges and give your tasks more mindful attention than

they”ll get once the rest of the world wakes up and interferes with your attention. The

best part of waking up in the morning is, well, waking up. Count your blessings and relax.

 

The Breakfast of Champions

 

While breakfast may be the most important meal of the day, that meal needs to be

balanced with protein, fiber, a little bit of healthy fat and some complex carbohydrates.

Before the age of electronic gadgetry, I remember when the bookmobile would arrive in

our neighborhood every week to serve those who didn”t have transportation to the

regional library. Because of the bookmobile, I spent many happy hours acquiring a desire

for reading that continues today. Feed your goat the mental protein and fiber it needs by

reading something inspirational and uplifting every morning. Start your day without email,

Facebook or tweeting. Resist the temptation to read the newspaper or watch the news.

Instead, spend a few minutes with a good book or periodical. Feed your mind with

information and ideas that are uplifting and that make you feel happy and more confident

about yourself and your world.

 

Choose an important task over checking your email. Whatever arrived in your inbox last

night likely isn”t as important as the most important thing you need to work on this

morning. The way most of us handle our mornings, though, you wouldn”t know it. If you

want to look back on your morning and not feel like it disappeared, take control of your

workday by prioritizing one task — just one thing you really need to do — and put off

opening your inbox for one hour. Seems sacrilegious, yes, but what you accomplish will

not only surprise you, but defrag your mental storage. Start your day by feeding your

goat something that will stimulate your mental metabolism.

 

Take Your Daily Vitamins

When was the last time you supplemented your daily routine with activities that can

enrich your outlook? Everyone needs diversity in their lives. Unfortunately, many of us

reach a point of burnout that affects us mentally, physically and emotionally and can turn positive attitudes into negative ones. When you aren”t feeding your goat the right stuff,

you begin to look at things in more negative terms, feel trapped and helpless, and are

more easily fatigued. Here are some vitamin supplements to feed your goat:

 

Read a book for fun

Attend a play or concert

Invite friends over for the evening

Play with your children

Take a two-week vacation

Exercise ten minutes every day

Drive with no destination in mind

Take a class or lesson for enjoyment

Take up a hobby

Attend a social function

 

Beware of the Harmful Ingredients

 

Much of Americans” household food budget is spent on processed foods, the majority of

which are filled with additives and stripped of nutrients. Dieticians suggest we avoid

common ingredients in the foods we eat that pose the greatest risk to our health. Family

conflict is a common “ingredient” that can pose a risk to our mental health by exposing

our goats to others. But how do we avoid something that”s long been a part of our

everyday lives? We make a commitment to modify our behavior. However, keep in mind

that change of any kind is an enormous challenge, let alone identifying the harmful

ingredients we might have been fed early in life and trying to eradicate them from diets to

which we”ve become accustomed. Change is up to each individual — no one else, not even

family. Waiting around for others to change only paralyzes us. Here are five common

harmful ingredients we must acknowledge and remove from our diets.

Abandonment

 

Fear of being left behind plagues many people. They feel left out, unimportant or

simply forgotten. Abandonment experiences are in no way indictments of a child”s

innate goodness and value. Instead, they reveal the flawed thinking, false beliefs

and impaired behaviors of those who hurt them. Still, the wounds strike deep within

their young hearts and minds, and the very real pain can still be felt when they

grow up. The causes of emotional injury need to be understood and accepted so

they can heal. Until that occurs, the pain will stay with them, becoming a driving

force in their adult lives. Work activities that include change — such as promotions,

layoffs, acquisitions, mergers, buyouts and even award banquets — can seriously

affect a negative employee who fears abandonment.

 

Control

 

Some people see control as a major issue in their lives. Typically, they have either

been dominated by overly strict parents or allowed to run wild with no parental

supervision. The need to control is almost always fueled by anxiety — though people

who have a need for control seldom recognize their fears. At work, they may worry

about failure. In relationships, they may worry about not having their needs met. To keep this anxiety from overwhelming them, they try to control the people or things

around them. They have a hard time with negotiation and compromise, and they

can”t stand imperfection. Needless to say, they are difficult to live with, work with

and/or socialize with.

 

Boundaries

This involves the inability to say no and set reasonable limits. Some people struggle

to differentiate between their needs and those of other people and other situations.

People with low self-esteem are dependent on others” approval and recognition and

are therefore fearful of rejection by and conflict with others. People with low

self-esteem have their major difficulties in relationships with others. This is because

they are unable to establish healthy boundaries or limits. On the job, this inability to

say no and set limits translates into workaholism.

 

Denial

Denying or avoiding reality is a learned behavior. Being in denial has a way of sneaking up on us when

we least expect it, influencing us and manipulating us to believe in false illusions. It preys on our

insecurities, our hopes, our dreams, our wants, our needs and even our positive qualities like loyalty and

trust by using that to keep us hooked into the illusion. When you are in denial, you refuse to admit

the truth or reality of something unpleasant. In a work environment, it results in running from the

truth or internalizing issues rather than confronting them.

 

Drama

Over-stimulating events — such as confrontations, crises, emergencies and calamities — are a common

way of life. The emotionally immature person has low levels of self-esteem and self-confidence and

consequently feels insecure. To counter these feelings of insecurity, they will spend a large portion

of their lives creating situations in which they become the center of attention. It may be that the

need for attention is inversely proportional to emotional maturity; therefore, anyone indulging in

attention-seeking behaviors is telling you how emotionally immature they are. Attention-seeking

behavior is surprisingly common. Facebook is a great platform for people who are seeking attention to

alleviate feelings of insecurity and inadequacy, but the relief is temporary as the underlying problem

remains unaddressed: low self-confidence and low self-esteem, and consequent low levels of self-worth and self-love. Some people seek out that adrenalin (sugar) rush that gives them the feeling of security and adequacy.

 

If you don”t feed your goat the right stuff, you allow negativity to grow and aggravate you

and the people around you. People don”t like to admit they are negative, but there is no

hiding it. Just as importantly, negativity will not go away unless you address it. Feeding

your goat the right diet will help you achieve your goals by staying positive and not

exposing it to others. Remember, you”re not responsible for changing or “fixing” the whole

family”s diet. You”re responsible for taking care of yourself and making the changes you

want. Changing your goat”s eating habits is difficult and takes time, so be patient.

 

STEVE GILLILAND 
Author, Motivator and humorist

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STEVE GILLILAND — Hide Your Goat Part 4 – Teaching An Old Goat New Tricks

April 22, 2013 in balanced living speaker, business speaker, Education Speakers, Humorist Speakers, Motivational Speakers, Speakers for Business Groups, Teamwork Speakers

 

In the movie The Bucket List, blue-collar mechanic Carter Chambers (Morgan Freeman)

and billionaire hospital magnate Edward Cole (Jack Nicholson) meet for the first time after

both have been diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. Carter begins writing a bucket list –

things to do before he actually kicks the bucket. Edward urges Carter to do everything on

that list and even adds to it. Since the movie”s release, numerous people have adopted

the “That”s on my bucket list” terminology. There are even websites devoted entirely to

the subject. Writing a book, getting a tattoo, witnessing the northern lights, learning to

play the guitar, mastering Japanese, skydiving and swimming with dolphins are typical

activities people wish they could accomplish before dying.

 

What if we were to create a “fill my glass” list instead, one that focuses on achieving

personal satisfaction with our everyday lives instead of a pre-death checklist? We expose

our goats to possible incarceration when our center of attention is on our wants,

fantasies and wishes instead of on our needs. A need is imperative if you want to

be your best. Sometimes it helps to identify needs by thinking about times when you

are angry, upset or doing something you”re not particularly proud of (i.e., procrastinating). What is it that causes you to feel certain ways or do certain things? Look deep and you”re likely to find a need. To hide your goat, you must teach it new tricks. You must identify your needs, why they are important to you and what are you doing to meet them. While making a wish list allows you to dream about possibilities, it can obscure the basic needs necessary for a more fulfilled life. Whether you consider your glass to be half full or half empty depends on your point of view: are you pouring or drinking? We are inclined to approach life in very similar way. We know there are things we need to do

(pouring), but we focus more on the wants (drinking) because it is seemingly more gratifying.

 

If we repeatedly ignore areas of our life we need to change, we are defenseless against

feelings that coincide with those unmet needs and see the glass as half empty. We all

have contradictory (pouring or drinking) needs. For some, they are the need to be

accepted, cared for, acknowledged and comfortable. For others, they are the need to be

free, in control and right. Whatever our needs, listing them is crucial to our understanding

of what sometimes causes our goats to get loose and even attack others. Until we

recognize our negative needs (old goat) and change our behavior (teach them new

tricks), we will always be predisposed to people and circumstances that can get our goat.

While there is nothing wrong with wanting to be accepted, you must determine why that

is so important to you. Is it to be respected — or to be popular? Do you need comfort

because it allows you to indulge — or does it facilitate your ability to serve others? Do you

need power in order to be noticed — or will it enable you to influence other people in a

positive way?

 

To teach an old goat new tricks, start by listing your top seven all-time New Year”s

resolutions. For example:

 

Lose weight

Learn a new language

Eat healthier

Stop biting my nails

Finish what I start

Spend less time surfing the Internet

Anything else that would make me feel better about myself

 

In his book Become a Better You, Pastor Joel Osteen says, “You can never change what

you tolerate. As long as you accept it and accommodate it, you”re going to stay right

where you are.”

 

If we don”t change (teach an old goat a new trick), we don”t grow. If we don”t grow,

people get our goat without even trying. If you don”t have the power to change yourself,

then don”t expect your surroundings to change. When Albert Einstein said, “The definition

of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results,” he was

referring to people who are trying to fill a bucket full of holes. Forget your bucket list and

start on your needs list — what you need to change to make your everyday life more

fulfilling and rewarding.

 

Here are just a few new tricks to teach your old goat to ensure it will stay hidden and not

be the source of negativity.

 

Acquire the need to be happy, not right. Several years ago, I met an elderly

couple enjoying the breakfast buffet at a hotel in Seattle, Washington. I couldn”t

help but notice how attentive and servant-hearted the gentleman was toward his

wife. With our tables in close proximity, I actually commented on his caring ways, then asked him how long they”d been married. “65 wonderful years!” the man

boldly answered. “What”s the key to staying married that long?” I asked. His

response was one for the ages: “Decide early on that you”d rather be happy than

right.” And when you”re happy, it”s harder for people to get your goat.

 

Stop telling it like it is. I”ve heard people say, “Whether you like what they say or

not, at least you know where they stand.” Where they stand is in a position to hurt

people with self-righteous proclamations that only serve to make themselves feel

better. Remember, a closed mouth gathers no feet, and you will never regret your

silence. People who criticize are guided by their own perspective, which is almost

always devoid of the whole truth. Your mouth can be a powerful force of hope and

encouragement — words can either build up or tear down. Good often comes to

people who talk positively in negative situations. Teaching an old goat this trick is

not easy, particularly if you have the need to be heard, gossip or make a point.

Consider that when you tell it like it is, you are really showing us more of who you

are than what it is.

 

Slow down, sit down and shut down. When you are physically run-down, short

on sleep and your energy level is low, you tend to be more irritable, critical,

defensive and negative. It is hard for you to get along with others and harder for

them to coexist with you. Fatigue is the silent cancer of people”s judgment and

emotions. Even simple problems seem insurmountable. When you are tired, go to

bed! Turn off the television, shut down the computer and silence your phone.

Fatigue can cause you to make permanent decisions based on the stress of

temporary circumstances. Take time to rest and renew so you have the energy

necessary to hide your goat.

Free yourself from the skeptics. A Western Union executive memo, written in 1876, read, “The

telephone has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us.” My favorite memo of all time is from the recording company executive who, in 1962, wrote, “Don”t like their sound…guitar music is on the way out.” Of course, after he rejected the Beatles, they went on to become the most successful musical group in history. Don”t let

others blow up your dreams. You will always encounter opposition from mediocre and closed minded types. High achievers struggle against overwhelming obstacles in the face of sharp criticism, but they have the heart to pursue when others might quit. When people are hunting your goat — armed with criticism, skepticism, ridicule and disbelief — reach deep down into your bag of tricks and prevent them from poisoning your ambitions with self-doubt. The only thing worse than not teaching your goat new tricks is allowing a skeptic to make you doubt yourself.

 

Checking off items on a bucket list filled with wants may provide immediate gratification, but knowing what you need to change — and making those changes — will instill long-term happiness, reduce your stress and foster contentment. How many times have you heard a person say, “Since I lost weight and started eating right, my life is so much better!” The sooner you start accomplishing items on your needs list (tricks), the closer you will be to then creating a bucket list (wants) without feeling guilty. More importantly, your goat will be easier to hide!

 

STEVE GILLILAND 
Author, Motivator and humorist

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WILL MILLER — Motivational Speaker —

April 18, 2013 in Authors, balanced living speaker, business speaker, Humorist Speakers, Inspiring Lives & Stories, Motivational Speakers

Dr. Will Miller is a recognized expert in the area of wellbeing, stress & coping, interpersonal relationships, organizational health and American culture. For the past 30 years Will has appeared before thousands of people at comedy clubs, theaters as well as hundreds of organizational events in the U.S. and Europe, offering a compelling and entertaining presentation for this country’s top corporations and national organizations.

 

Dr. Will holds five graduate degrees including Clinical Social Work, Health Psychology, Urban Education and Theology as well as training in Psychoanalysis and at the Rutgers University School of Addiction Studies. Will spent 17 years as a professional stand-up comedian, headlining comedy clubs across the country. He spent five years as Nick-At-Nite’s television therapist in his Why We Watch segments and appeared on The Today Show, Good Morning America, Larry King and The O’Reilly Factor. He’s been profiled by NBC Dateline and People Magazine. And he’s currently a regular guest on the nationally syndicated Bob & Tom radio show and a contributor to Entertainment Weekly & Court TV.

 

Will”s presentation is unique among keynote speakers. It is an penetrating  and motivating talk based on the latest scientific research about human well being. But as Will is also an experienced headline comic the audience is entertained with standup routines that powerfully and delightfully bring home his serious points. Over the course of 15 years and hundreds of events, Will has never failed to thrill an audience. He is at home in front of groups large and small and will surely be a highlight for your meeting or conference!

 

 

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Motivational Speakers — STEVE RIZZO — Don””””t Just Accept Change, Embrace It

April 12, 2013 in balanced living speaker, Humorist Speakers, Motivational Speakers

Sometimes it comes by way of choice and sometimes it is forced upon us by circumstances beyond our control. Either way, it is a part of life that is needed in order for us to grow to our full potential. Steve will show your group how to deal with one of our biggest fears in both the workplace and in our personal lives…CHANGE! Everyone will learn the skills needed to use any change to their advantage, creating greater success on all levels.

 

STEVE RIZZO 
A Truly Funny and Motivational Speaker

Steve shows people how to develop a Healthy Attitude toward the challenges they are confronted with each day. In his unique style, Steve will demonstrate proven techniques to your organization on how to utilize their Sense of Humor as a tool to control negative emotions and to overcome the obstacles that are keeping them from the Success, Happiness and Inner Peace they desire. Steve conveys that a Sense of Humor is more than just the ability to laugh, “It””””s a unique state of mind or a positive attitude one has towards dealing with fear and adversity.”

Make your next meeting memorable, informative, funny and effective with Steve Rizzo. Don’t settle for anything less than Steve’s unique approach. Because anything less…is just that.

 

 

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STEVE GILLILAND — HIDE YOUR GOAT PART 3 —

April 12, 2013 in balanced living speaker, Education Speakers, Guest Bloggers, Humorist Speakers, Leadership speakers, Motivational Speakers

“The Goat Hunters”

The primary reason we need to hide our goats is because of the different people who

calculatingly or unintentionally hunt them down. These can include family members,

coworkers, bosses, subordinates, neighbors, acquaintances, children and utter strangers

we encounter on a daily basis. For this eArticle, we will take an in-depth look at the most

unpredictable of all, the disingenuous friend.

 

Sometimes a friendship becomes unhealthy and needs to end. How can you tell when it

reaches that stage? Too many times friends are getting your goat by using you for selfish

ulterior purposes, or their natural personality ends up constantly irritating or hurting you.

While breaking up with a friend is difficult, it is necessary if you are going to put yourself

and your needs first. Life should not be mind-numbing and wearisome. When you prolong

relationships with people who see their world through tainted glasses, you are at risk of

being imprisoned by their negative views and not your own. Remember, all friendships

are volunteer situations. You are not required to continue any of them.

 

There are many compelling reasons to end a friendship. Before you do, however, list

yours as well as concrete examples of your friend”s behavior to support them. These may

include major deal breakers or something as understated as you no longer have shared

interests. You may even want to ask advice from your family members or others,

especially people who know your friend well and may be able to provide insight. One

caution, though: mutual friends may feel the need to pick sides, so you may end up

compromising additional relationships.

 

Here is some ammunition that goat hunters posing as friends may have in their armory.

They are possessive and overly demanding. Their constant requests for your

time and attention prevent you from forming stronger, more meaningful friendships.

They are inclined to be resentful of your other relationships, and while they are

 

also persuade you to participate in activities that really don”t interest you. You

involve yourself out of a sense of obligation rather than enjoyment or personal

enrichment.

 

They disregard your view of a situation and are judgmental. They manipulate

you by constantly making you feel inferior or guilty. They are never wrong, and

even when they are, an admission of guilt isn”t part of their repertoire. They defend,

excuse and explain all of their behaviors, and also delight in pointing out your

deficiencies. Their insecurities are a pathetic excuse for their behavior, and yet

when all is said and done, you are the one who feels horrible. You feel like nothing

you say or do can ameliorate the situation, so you all too often overlook it and

continue the circle of the irrational and wondrous entanglement referred to as

“friendship.” People who are critical and judgmental have low self-esteem. This can

intensify as they get older and poison any relationships they form as an adult.

These so-called friends often disguise their emotions until something triggers their

more negative nature.

 

You no longer trust your friend because of something they did or said. If

they spilled one of your secrets or spoke poorly about you behind your back, you

have a legitimate reason to revoke your trust. For some people, that loss of trust

may irreversibly affect the friendship.

 

They are selfish. You may help them with their problems, but they rarely

reciprocate. Yes, you might shrug off this lack of consideration as just being part of

your friend”s personality, but it”s still an inexcusably serious issue.

 

The moment of truth is deciding what to do. Do you want to maintain an acquaintanceship

or completely cut the friend out of your life? The reason list you produce may help you

decide how contaminated the friendship is.

 

You must meet this goat hunter head-on. Entering the confrontation, be open to the

possibility that your opinion may change. Express your feelings absolutely and

unequivocally. As daunting as initiating this conversation will be, it must be done. Losing a

friend hurts, but what hurts even more is when someone causes you to lose your focus,

your direction and, most importantly, your identity.

When you finally sit down with this person, avoid personal attacks. Rather, calmly state

your observations and concerns about their behavior, and speak in terms of how those

actions have made you feel. If you use “I” messages to convey how their oversight,

selfishness or insecurities may have hurt you, they”ll be more receptive of your comments

and more inclined to change.

 

Remain composed. The other person may become angry or even counter your challenging

statements with complaints of their own about you. If this happens, calmly but firmly

state that this is your time to talk and their time to listen.

divert the conversation away from its original purpose.

A long-time friend may ask why you”re suddenly bringing up issues now after so many

years. Well, realize that your friend is likely not the only one to blame for the strain; you

are also changing and realizing things about yourself, perhaps reaching a point where

your tolerance level for certain behaviors has maxed out.

Can a tainted friendship be salvaged? Possibly. Hear your friend out. It may be that he or she expresses sincere contrition and makes a pledge to change. If you still decide enough”s enough, burn your bridges carefully. Restarting a friendship down the road can be especially difficult. Be absolutely certain you want to end things if that”s the path you choose.

Even if you decide to stay friends and give this person another chance, both of you may need a temporary break to think things through and clear your heads. Jumping right back into the friendship at this stage may cause unintended tension and pretense. Step back and reset. Change won”t happen overnight.

It is always our choice whether we get on with our lives and live based on who we are instead of chaining ourselves to people who hold grudges and are not enriching. Go with your gut. If you feel it”s better to end the friendship and move on, end it. Don”t feel compelled to give the person another chance just because you”re nice. No moral code binds you to such an obligation. You”ve already been

dragged down by this person, and you should only continue with the friendship if there”s some positive aspect of staying close to them that you”d like to preserve.

Remember that you need an actual reason to stay friends with this person, not a reason not to stay friends. Put your needs and considerations first.

There comes a time in your life when you walk away from all the drama and the people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh and feel good about the person you are. Forget

the bad; focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right; pray for the ones who don”t. You may feel guilty, but if you know you made the right decision for yourself, stand by it. Life is too short to be anything but happy.

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STEVE GILLILAND — HIDE YOUR GOAT PART 2 –

April 5, 2013 in balanced living speaker, business speaker, Education Speakers, Humorist Speakers, Motivational Speakers, Speaker for Education Groups, speaker on change, Speakers for Business Groups, Teamwork Speakers

“HERDING YOUR GOATS”

Too many times in life we expect others to do what we have never done, follow us to where we have never been and without reason, believe in us even when our actions don”t match our own beliefs. It becomes problematic when our actions, which create our outcomes, are determined by speculation, assumptions, misconceptions and numerous other thought patterns not based on the facts or reality of a given situation. As a child, our thinking is primarily influenced by our parents and the people we spend the most time around. Insecure adults have a tendency to create insecure children. Show me a mother who is a drama queen and I”ll show you a child who grows up embracing the role of a victim.

 

While people and circumstances may get your goat, knowing how andwhy that happens will best help you to hide it. Later in this series we will examine more regarding the who - or, as I will refer to them, The Goat Hunters. But for the purpose of this article, let”s figure out how to find and herd your goats by determining the how and why.

 

The problem with herding our goats is where do we look for them? For some of us, someone or something may have gotten our goat earlier in life and we have never found it. When our goats jump the fence and we can”t find them, that affects us for the rest of our lives. Instead of having closure and resolving our feelings, we harbor resentment and become susceptible to having someone or something else find our goat. Our past is a powerful dictator of our future, and unless we determine why we feel the way we do, we are destined to allow certain things to always get our goat.

 

As a young child, I watched my father favor my older brother. As a young adult, I witnessed his approval of my brother and felt his disappointment in me. I did everything possible to win his approval. While my brother”s birthday cards were signed “Love, Dad,” mine were signed with merely his first name. By the time my 40th birthday rolled around, I was still seeking the approval of my father, family and friends. Only when I found my goat and herded my feelings did I understand I didn”t need the approval of others. I stopped wasting time and energy on things beyond my control. The hardest thing we do most days is to let go of our past, which has a few of our goats roaming around.

 

Have you ever watched a person you don”t really know do something that bothers you so much it affects your attitude? Why is that? Why does their clothing, earrings, hair or fingernail color get your goat?

 

A few years ago, a young gentleman sat beside me on a flight from Amarillo, Texas to Dallas. I couldn”t help but notice the vast array of tattoos covering his arms, neck and hands. What I noticed more than that, however, were the passengers across the aisle who looked absolutely appalled by his appearance.

 

After I introduced myself, he smiled, shook my hand and told me his name. When I told him I was from North Carolina he said, “Great state. I got my MBA at Duke University.” We chatted throughout the flight, and when we landed, he said, “Thanks.” “For what?” I asked. “You are probably the first person I have sat beside in the last three months that has even acknowledged me without thinking I was a thug,” he said.

 

The good news for me here was that several years prior to this encounter I had found one of my goats and herded it: labeling is disabling, and the stereotypes and stigma attached to certain people is not only unfair to them, but an extremely unhealthy way for me to think.

 

I now believe that if I can change the way you think I will change your world forever. Good people listen, learn and edify people. Average people talk about themselves. Small people talk about others. You need only look at a person”s Facebook page to see how he or she thinks. Good people post pictures and information that is positive and intended to allow REAL friends and family to keep up with their IMPORTANT events and the growth of their children. Average people post information intended to inflate their egos and make themselves, their children and their lives appear to be something they are really not. Small people post negative things about others, solicit responses to situations that should be handled privately and post quotes to underhandedly make a point. They thrive on the responses that make them “feel” better as a person, which, unfortunately, doesn”t make them a better person. If anything, they are viewed by the majority of good thinking people for who they really are: insecure, negative people filled with anger and unresolved issues.

 

Herding your goats is critical to hiding them. Yes, we will always be vulnerable to people and circumstances getting our goats; however, we can build a stronger fence around them once we find them. Being honest with ourselves and resolving issues in our own lives will give us the strength we need. The mastery of life is the mastery of self. Unfortunately, many people never master themselves, stranding their goats outside the fence where others can get at them.

 

Make a list of what and who gets your goat, then ask how and why? What is it about YOU that adds to the negativity of the situation? Once you determine your contributions, figure out what you need to do in order to change the way you think. My unresolved feelings about my father led me down a path of thinking that produced behaviors detrimental to certain situations. Instead of being who I really was, years ago I would do almost anything to be accepted. By seeking the approval of others, I would act in ways that were all about the people I was trying to impress. Once I finally looked in the mirror and saw what I liked, I stopped wanting to be the person I thought others wanted me to be. I herded my goat named Seeking the Approval of Others and fenced it in so no one could ever get it again.

 

The dilemma is that sometimes when you herd one of your goats, another one slips out-kind of like the guys who butt in line ahead of me when we”re boarding a flight. Oh, but wait, I think I can grab this goat, too, and put it back behind my fence. You see, that kind of aggressive behavior annoyed me until I realized I used to do the very same thing to make sure my carry-on luggage would fit in the overhead bin above my seat. I was fine once I took a chill pill and realized that even if my carry-on wasn”t stored above me I”d still make it to my destination. Plus, the people who”d see those guys butt in front of me often hand my luggage forward to me as a way of saying, “We got your back!”
So before you can hide your goat, find it! Once you find it, figure out why and how you lost it, not who took it. The why and the how will allow you to begin Herding Your Goats!

STEVE GILLILAND 
Author, Motivator and humorist

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STEVE GILLILAND — SOUGHT AFTER MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER — HIDE YOUR GOAT! part 1

March 29, 2013 in balanced living speaker, Guest Bloggers, Humorist Speakers, Motivational Speakers, speaker on change, Speakers for Business Groups

Turning Negatives into Positives

This seven-part series is dedicated to everyone who has ever put up with a nosy neighbor,

fickle friend, sneaky sibling, envious family member, scheming coworker, manipulative

boss, conniving acquaintance, impolite employee, disrespectful adolescent, hypocritical

Christian, dishonest subordinate and people who think the world revolves around them.

 

INTRODUCTION

 

When someone says something or other “really gets my goat,” they mean they are

extremely irritated. A variety of things could contribute to that irritation, ranging from

someone else”s actions to a series of events. Despite the turn of phrase, however, actual

goats are not usually involved. Like many colorful idioms in the English language, the

origins of “get my goat” are murky. The first incidences of the phrase crop up around the

early 1900s, a great era for colorful slang in America, reflecting the rapid expansion of

settlement in the U.S. and the commingling of people from varied social, class and ethnic

backgrounds. Some have suggested that “get my goat” may be related to “goad,” as in

“to prod” or “stick with a pointed end.”

 

Regardless of its origin, “get my goat” resonates with all of us. Our daily lives intersect

with a diverse group of people from different backgrounds, opinions and personalities. The

fast-paced and stress-filled schedules we maintain open the gate and expose our goats to

people and circumstances. As you read this series-entitled Hide Your Goat-I”ll present

ideas on how to herd your goat, lock your gate, identify people who hunt your goat,

retrain your goat and provide nutritional (mental) advice on what to feed your goat.

STEVE GILLILAND 
Author, Motivator and humorist

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EMORY AUSTIN — Your Inner-Space Odyssey —

March 26, 2013 in balanced living speaker, customer service, Customer Service Speakers, Humorist Speakers, Inspiring Lives & Stories, Motivational Speakers, speaker on change, Speakers for Human Relations and Communication, Teamwork Speakers, Women's Issues

EMORY AUSTIN 
Expert on Leadership, Change & Customer Service

Joe is so convinced that bad luck follows him that he falls backward into a ditch and sprains his ankle trying to avoid the black cat crossing his path. Margaret is so obsessed with the constant contemplation that some undiagnosed illness might be just around the corner that the heart attack she finally suffers gives her a strange kind of prophetic satisfaction. Paul, on the other hand, is so certain that he works for a great company that opportunities for advancement come to him from every direction. And there is Sarah, whose bright-eyed enjoyment of life and of people brings friendships everywhere she goes.

Where are you going next? Are you moving in the right direction? There is a direct, measurable connection between what goes on in your head and what goes on in your life; between your expectations and your life experience; between your career role and your role on planet earth! Look around you: isn”t it amazingly obvious how other people either bless or curse their lives by their attitudes? Glances in your own mirror, however, too often reveal only murky reflections of what you yourself are becoming, day by day, as one experience after another underscores and underlines the accuracy of your own viewpoint and belief system! Stop for just a minute. Figure out how the mindset you have accepted as reasonable is affecting your life journey. Is it positive? Does it need to be changed in some way?

It is numbingly easy to be so caught up in looking at the waves that you forget to study the current. The majesty and the undertow are both a part of the same scene. Both contain value. True of the ocean; true of life experience.

We all want to lead happy, fulfilling lives. To be respected in our professions. To have vital and meaningful relationships that sustain and enrich us. Here are five Inner-Space Odyssey keys that will unlock doors to great possibilities. Try adding them to your own key chain:

“Inner-Space Odyssey” Key #1: 
Be Willing to Stand Apart from the Crowd

Take an probing look at yourself. Do you realize that your unique and different characteristics (even if you don”t like some of them!) are usually your best allies and will make you memorable long after the bland personalities whose main thrust is to blend in have been forgotten. Take your differences and make them impactful for yourself, your team and your clients.

We spend far too much time trying to “package” ourselves, when a stronger approach might involve some ”unwrapping” of ourselves and our brand. Use this fine-tuned discernment to give your companies, customers, cohorts and cronies the benefit of your own flavor and approach. This is where strong leaders are born and where your own power lies. Analyze your strengths and allow them to propel you forward.

“Inner-Space Odyssey” Key #2:
Never Get Too Comfortable Where You Are

Whatever turns your life and career are taking, it can be quicksand-deadly to get too satisfied in your current situation. We can get overly comfortable with success. It is also (sadly) possible to become comfortable with mediocrity. Guard well against this trap, because today”s world demands giant steps in making and handling changes that may not be altogether welcome. Successful professionals will make certain they understand current business trends and are tuned in to what is required to adapt to and capitalize on them. Some degree of restlessness is required for growth and new discoveries. Too much ease is like Novocain for the brain and the heart.

“Inner-Space Odyssey” Key #3
Seeing Well is More Important than Looking Good

The big question here is – exactly where and on whom is your eye focused? Who decides whether or not you and your organization stay in business? Who is important to you personally? Whoever that is – your customers, members, associates, prospects, friends, family – LISTEN to them, study them, understand what their real needs are and make solving their problems your top priority. Remember: their perception of you is the only thing that counts with them. If they don”t understand the value you bring, they won”t accept your answers to their problems; they will begin to distance themselves from what might have been a closer relationship with you.

“Inner-Space Odyssey” Key #4
Go for the Throat

Your own throat, that is! The way you express yourself . . . the way you communicate . . . is possibly the single most important business and personal skill you have. Spend time developing a stronger love affair with words and use “quotable” ways of sharing your ideas with others. Read a book a week. Highlight and underline and write all over the pages. Listen to those who speak well. Study how they use their voices and their words to influence and persuade – and weave more of your own power into the much-too-neglected art of skillful expression. Then, when you speak up, they will listen. But more than that, they will hear you!

“Inner-Space Odyssey” Key #5
Pick Your Own Daisies

Don”t wait for someone else to hand you what you want or to make your dreams come true. You alone are responsible for “playing the hand” that life deals you. Those who believe they are working for someone else are sabotaging their tomorrows. Ultimately we are all entrepreneurs – either successfully or unsuccessfully working for ourselves. Claim this responsibility as a great freedom to do and become and have whatever you want.

If you want to change something about your life, take a closer look at your belief system. If you begin to change something on the inside, a corresponding change will occur on the outside as well. Whatever you accept into your life and attitude will either cost you pieces of your self or will add to your possibility of creating a life filled with richness and impact.

Either choice is habit forming. Either choice has ongoing consequences.

It”s your call.

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TIM GARD — Motivational Humorist — Friday Funnies!!!

March 22, 2013 in balanced living speaker, Entertainment, Humorist Speakers, Motivational Speakers

TIM GARD 
A nationally recognized humorist and authority on stress reduction through humor.

Tim Gard, CSP, CPAE is a drop-dead funny, laugh-out-loud humorist who consistently delivers a rejuvenating and immediately applicable message that teaches audiences to enhance productivity and enthusiasm in both professional and personal encounters. While he does not think of himself as a comedian, Tim dedicates himself to using humor as a way to look at life a little differently…he calls this a Comic Vision.

As a leading and recognized authority in stress reduction through humor, Tim speaks at over 100 events each year, from Sioux City to Singapore. Having authored and co-authored 4 books, Tim Gard is a frequent guest on TV and radio talk shows discussing his keynote speeches, facilitation and consulting experience as well as marketing his own line of stress buster reminders: Tim””s Tools!

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